just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
