I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
