Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
