tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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