Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
