dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
