those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
