this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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