It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
