You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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