can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
