eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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