winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
