Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
