When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
