I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
