That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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