Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
