I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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