he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
