i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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