what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
