I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
