if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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