He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
