somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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