i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
