SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
