did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
