So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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