Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
