The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
