Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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