As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
