May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
