we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
