Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
