don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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