you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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