that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
