Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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