I puked a lego.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
