bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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