Just cropdusted the office
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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