i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
