i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
