Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
