i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
