I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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