im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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