btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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