I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
