guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please, let me fuck your mom
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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