so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
