those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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