His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
